September 5, 2011

new love: SUI HEI! + BAR RAFAELI

August 20, 2011

if i've betrayed my own ideals
my own standards
and drove myself to like, to lie to myself into thinking that i was happily in love with a man
whom i--with my best standards--would never fall for,
a man who'd love me only for the impossibility for me to ever fall for him, for my standard for men different from, other than, and perhaps in some ways better and less than him.

then the only person i can blame is me.

August 9, 2011

acquisition does not mean embodiment

its the wanting to get shortcuts that makes you ugly

you promised yourself, after i do this, achieve this, i'll be able to and entitled to, feel myself capable to, look, observe, enjoy my surrounding. but you never have believed so, or acted so, until today. smelled strong scent in eslites bathroom.

August 7, 2011



August 13th, Street Circus Fetish Fantasy at Revolver- are you coming?​php?eid=126355674120187
Location: Revolver
Time: ‎7:00PM Saturday, August 13th
July 28 at 2:28pm ·  ·  · 


VERBAL x MADEMOISELLE YULIA x DJ Mykal a.k.a.林哲儀 @ SPARK 0821(Sun.)

You Might Attend · Share · Public Event
Sunday, August 21 at 10:00pm - August 22 at 3:00am

this time i'm not leaving without you

i dont want to mask it refine it reshape it in any way
compromise it
at all

i love you. eileen. you deserve it all. believe it.

you and i.
baby you and i.

please be happy.


MELT Wednesdays @ Revolver

You are Attending · Share · Public Event

Wednesday at 11:00pm - Thursday at 3:00am

1-2, Roosevelt Rd, Sec 1 // 台北市羅斯福路一段一之二號
Taipei, Taiwan
another month

plans in taiwan

1. linkin park concert
2. art exhibitions
3. work results
4. ad company graphics decision
5. boyfriend
6. parties
7. happiness

got $34000 for august
got $23000 for sept
going back in october
am i
am i

November 23, 2010


too early for anything

told the truth about the perv to his wife

to deaf ears

to flushed faces raising a fist in front of me

i won't be threatened

no i won't.

they mean nothing.

a threat is nothing compared to my pride, to my dignity.

October 18, 2010

an accurate 2010 horoscope :) ↘

This is the real deal. Try ignoring it, and the first thing you’ll notice is having a horrible day starting tomorrow morning … and it only gets worse from there.
ARIES - The Aggressive
Outgoing. Lovable. Spontaneous. Not one to mess with. Funny.. Excellent kisser EXTREMELY adorable. Loves relationships, and family is very important to an aries. Aries are known for being generous and giving. Addictive. Loud. Always has the need to be ‘Right’. Aries will argue to prove their point for hours and hours. Aries are some of the most wonderful people in the world.. 16 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

TAURUS - The Tramp
Aggressive. Loves being in long relationships. Likes to give a good fight. Fight for what they want. Can be annoying at times, but for the love of attention. Extremely outgoing. Loves to help people in times of need. Good kisser. Good personality. Stubborn. A caring person. They can be self centered and if they want something they will do anything to get it. They love to sleep and can be lazy. One of a kind. Not one to mess with. Are the most attractive people on earth! 15 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

GEMINI - The Twin
Nice. Love is one of a kind. Great listeners. Very Good at confusing people… Lover not a fighter, but will still knock you out. Geminis will not take any crap from anyone. Geminis like to tell people what they should do and get offended easily. They are great at losing things and are forgetful. Geminis can be very sarcastic and childish at times and are very nosey. Trustworthy. Always happy. VERY Loud. Talkative. Outgoing. VERY FORGIVING. Loves to make out. Has a beautiful smile. Generous. Strong. THE MOST IRRESISTIBLE. 9 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

CANCER - The Beauty
MOST AMAZING KISSER. Very high appeal. A Cancer’s Love is one of a kind.. Very romantic.. Most caring person you will ever meet in your life. Entirely creative Person, most are artists and insane, respectfully speaking. They perfected sex and do it often. Extremely random. An Ultimate Freak. Extremely funny and is usually the life of the party. Most Cancers will take you under their wing and into their hearts where you will remain forever. Cancers make love with a passion beyond compare. Spontaneous. Not a Fighter, But will kick your ass good if it comes down to it. Someone you should hold on to! 12 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

LEO - The Lion
Great talker. Attractive and passionate. Laid back. Usually happy but when unhappy tend to be grouchy and childish. A Leo’s problem becomes everyone’s problem. Most Leos are very predictable and tend to be monotonous. Knows how to have fun.. Is really good at almost anything. Great kisser. Very predictable. Outgoing. Down to earth. Addictive. Attractive. Loud. Loves being in long relationships. Talkative. Not one to mess with. Rare to find. Good when found. 7 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

VIRGO - The One that Waits
Dominant in relationships. Someone loves them right now. Always wants the last word.. Caring. Smart. Loud. Loyal. Easy to talk to. Everything you ever wanted. Easy to please. A pushover. Loves to gamble and take chances. Needs to have the last say in everything.. They think they know everything and usually do. Respectful to others but you will quickly lose their respect if you do something untrustworthy towards them and never regain respect. They do not forgive and never forget. The one and only. 7 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

LIBRA - The Lame One
Nice to everyone they meet. Their love is one of a kind. Silly, funny and sweet. Have own unique appeal. Most caring person you will ever meet! However, not the kind of person you want to mess with…you might end up crying. Libras can cause as much havoc as they can prevent. Faithful friends to the end. Can hold a grudge for years. Libras are someone you want on your side. Usually great at sports and are extreme sports fanatics. Very creative. A hopeless romantic. 9 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

SCORPIO - The Addict
EXTREMELY adorable. Loves to joke. Very Good sense of humor. Will try almost anything once. Loves to be pampered. Energetic. Predictable. GREAT kisser. Always get what they want.. Attractive. Loves being in long relationships. Talkative. Loves to party but at times to the extreme. Loves the smell and feel of money and is good at making it but just as good at spending it! Very protective over loved ones. HARD workers. Can be a good friend but if is disrespected by a friend, the friendship will end. Romantic. Caring.. 4 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

SAGITTARIUS - The Promiscuous One
Spontaneous. High appeal. Rare to find. Great when found.. Loves being in long relationships. So much love to give. A loner most of the time. Loses patience easily and will not take crap. If in a bad mood stay FAR away. Gets offended easily and remembers the offense forever. Loves deeply but at times will not show it, feels it is a sign of weakness. Has many fears but will not show it. VERY private person. Defends loved ones with all their abilities. Can be childish often. Not one to mess with. Very pretty. Very romantic. Nice to everyone they meet. Their Love is one of a kind. Silly, fun and sweet. Have own unique appeal. Most caring person you will ever meet! Amazing in bed..!!! Not the kind of person you want to mess with- you might end up crying. 4 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

CAPRICORN - The Passionate Lover
Love to bust. Nice. Sassy. Intelligent. Sexy. Grouchy at times and annoying to some. Lazy and love to take it easy. But when they find a job or something they like to do they put their all into it. Proud, understanding and sweet.
Irresistible. Loves being in long relationships. Great talker. Always gets what he or she wants. Cool. Loves to win against other signs especially Gemini’s in sports. Likes to cook but would rather go out to eat at good restaurants.
Extremely fun. Loves to joke. Smart. 24 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

AQUARIUS - Does It In The Water
Trustworthy. Attractive. Great kisser. One of a kind, loves being in long-term relationships. Can be clumsy at times but tries hard. Will take on any project. Proud of themselves in whatever they do. Messy and unorganized. Procrastinators. Great lovers, when they’re not sleeping. Extreme thinkers. Loves their pets usually more than their family. Can be VERY irritating to others when they try to explain or tell a story. Unpredictable. Will exceed your expectations. Not a Fighter but will Knock your lights out.. 2 years of bad luck if you do not forward

PISCES - The Partner for Life
Caring and kind. Smart. Likes to be the center of attention. Very organized. High appeal to opposite sex. Likes to have the last word. Good to find, but hard to keep. Passionate, wonderful lovers. Fun to be around. Too trusting at times and gets hurt easily. VERY caring. They always try to do the right thing and sometimes gets the short end of the stick. They sometimes get used by others and get hurt because of their trusting. Extremely weird but in a good way. Good sense of humor!!! Thoughtful. Loves to joke. Very popular. Silly, fun and sweet. Good friend to other but needs to be choosy on who they allow their friends to be. 5 years of bad luck if you do not forward.
i feel like my horoscope (cancer) is completely way off base.
Mine’s pretty accurate!

October 2, 2010

First Spoken Words in.. Nearly a Year. Listen. To Me.

I haven't written, in so long, that it feels as if this craft..this ability, has been partially taken away from me, slipped away, rather. I have now to go out of my way to find it back, especially the part involving courage, strength, and confidence, in myself, in my words.

It was a strange summer. It was a strange year. All along. It was painfully surreal.

As blank as my mind feels,
I know there's more.... to whatever that is happening in my life.
It's something prophetic, it's something beyond the experience of those humans around me. I am trapped within my human shell, yet I am no human. I feel more, too much.. that it slings stones of trauma back at me that I become too wounded to feel.

Perhaps I was designed wrong. I am a failed design. Perhaps.

However, despite everything,......

(To him)

I wonder where you are, what you are thinking, what you are doing, at this minute.
Who is on your mind? The girls with their peach flavored flesh, do their images drip like syrup and taunt you and flaunt to your eyes? I think I envy them. I fear that my charm and my words are getting old to you, that I am no mysterious soul tease to you, anymore.
I do care, but I don't care to know, and I don't want to know.
You are just you. I suppose that I want you to be you. I want you to belong to yourself and the guidance of your individual liberty. Like I do, sometimes. Like I always will try to do.

What scares me the most is that I have turned into somebody that I can't even love. This somebody, this bitter victim of a woman has possessed my body and locked my soul. Before I destroy her and before my true self takes hold of me, I can't go to you. I can't. She is a wordless soul, remember, nothing she says bears any truth or meaning. While I am her, I will keep my distance from the ones that my Heart loves ... if the memory of my freedom-seeking soul does not sink and drown out in the process of this mortal struggle. I must keep my voice. You be my guiding star, be my forever constant, love.

August 29, 2010

Church sermon actually was pretty inspiring today

The deaf people sitting in the front row and their translator reminded me of Roxanne, the beautiful Hispanic girl who sat with her other deaf classmates in Life Science class in 8th grade. I'm not sure why she made such an impression on me. I know I thought this name was so much like a flower, with big petals open wide.

On my notes from church today, I wrote:

- Hardening of the conscience

- Travel ligh, w/o envy, worry, and guilt.

- Delegate blames, without guilt. (People blame others often because they feel guilty themselves, so the best solution is to keep blaming when necessary but only guiltlessly to be healthy.)

- Don't sabotage your own success, don't subconsciously believe that you are not worth the good things life has brought you.

- Do the Right things with the Wrong reasons. (The world only serves well those who do this.)

- To stop defeating myself, I got to stop deceiving myself.

- Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind--> M_ _ _ --> Blue Room